Satisfied?

I struggle with being able to give everything up for God.

If God wanted me to be single all my days, and just serve him, I want to say that I'd be just fine with that. But the truth is, I don't know if i would.

My dad isn't a christian, and a while ago he really challenged me in my faith and decisions, and it was over a really seemingly dumb issue.

Riding the bus.

I didn't have a car for a bit and my dad said something of the effect that I should ride the bus to school, and my initial reaction was of total disgust. I told him I didn't want to, that people are weird on the bus. My dad then said that I wanted to work in third-would countries and help people, but not ride the bus? That people are going to probably be more weird there.

Ugh. What a hypocrite I am. How stupid. What a horrible witness to my dad. This situation definitely changed how I view people, and I thank God that he has changed my heart in this. Who am I to say that someone is weird or for me to choose not to hang around someone for such a shallow reason. All the people on the bus are Gods. And it doesn't matter if they smell funny or do silly things. We are all people and should be treated as such.

I wish I could say that I now look at people in a different way, that I don't judge them on site, that when i see a bum, I don't see him as a bum but as a person. And in a way I really do strive to take care of people who are in need, but I still judge them. I still will buy them lunch instead of giving them money because... I don't know, I don't trust them or something?
What if they want to buy a beer? Why should I care? It's who they are, and I think that by trying to change who they are, I'm being a worse witness. I want to just love on people.

My dad has been a really good example of what a good person is to me. And it's so discouraging sometimes, because he isn't a Christian. And I pray that I'll be able to be an encouragement to my dad someday. That when we die I'll be able to party it up with my dad. It's really difficult for me to know that people I love aren't believers.

I seem to have gotten on a tangent, but I just wonder. I don't know what God has in store for my life quite yet. But if he wanted me to give everything up. Like Abraham giving up his son. Would I be willing to, would I still be satisfied with only Him? If I became deaf, or couldn't play guitar anymore, would I still be praising Him?

Lord, help me be satisfied with You alone. Help me love your people, all people with your love.