I've been struggling a lot lately. Its so difficult for me to just let go of everything and give it all to God. I feel like I need an accountability partner, and a friend who I can be really honest with about everything.

Some crazy things have been happening. Mike Barnes broke his neck yesterday, and we went and visited him in the hospital. I almost started crying. I can't even imagine the pain that he's in. It was weird too, cause everyone was like.. hey heather, you know what he's going through. I feel like I totally don't deserve to be in the same category. He broke a vertebrae in his neck and basically was almost paralyzed. And it's a lot more dangerous because it's so much further up the spine. Mine was near the bottom, and I feel like I didn't even do anything that bad. Seriously, I didn't even need the drugs that much, i could stand the pain, and it certainly was not necessary for them to give me a giant bottle of vicoden which I've barely touched.

Anyways, I've felt like my relationship with God has been growing a lot now that i'm learning guitar and playing worship a lot. I think it's because i'm constantly having worship songs in my head and so I'm always singing praise and jazz. It's pretty awesome. I really have grown rather fond of guitar. I'm certainly not good at all!!! but, i love spending my time playing and going to the park rather than watching tv or something. I bought this really awesome green tweed case for it, but i accidentally bought the wrong one. The picture was the same, so i clicked on the one for electric, boo. So now I've got to ship it back and then pay for shipping again so they'll send me the right case. :(

I seem to ramble a lot. This is my super secret blog. I write more boring stuff in my livejournal one, this is meant more for real problems and such, and not day to day jazz. But I guess i've leaked it a little. Until next time.