why now

So we got the accident report today. It was my fault. The light was red and apparently I just ran right through it. I don't think I even saw it. I don't know, it just all happened so quickly.

So basically I just pooped out eight thousand dollars. Ugh. I hate it. Why did all of this have to happen right now, right when I'm about to take out a whole bunch of money for school loans and I can't afford anything anyways. I just can't believe it. I wish I could go back to that morning and just change everything.

I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself, I'm mad at everything and I don't want to be. I resent all the people who ask my how I am. I'm fine! I just want to run away to somewhere far away where no one knows me and where I can just fall asleep and be someone else.

I hate money. It ruins everything.

Lord please help me love others and feel loved. Draw near to me.. cause I can't do this alone.