I dread going to practice. And Everytime we run the whole time my mind wanders and I try and sing songs to myself or think of how much I hate running and why am I on the cross country team.
Seriously, I know it's going to be difficult, but there are times when I just can't handle it.
Yesterday we did this really killer run and we were supposed to run about five and some miles total. I got two miles in, and I seriously just broke down. I couldn't take it. I was so ready to quit cross country and I even planned out what I was going to say to the coach, and I started walking back and then ran the last mile back at least, but I just started crying and hating life. I hate that i'm so slow and that no matter what I do I just can't keep up. I hate hills. I just hate so much.
Lord, help me get rid of all this negativity and hate, I want to run and I want to run for you.
I wish that I had been in better shape before i came up here, and of course my back doesn't help much either.
I ran my first race today, and it was kinda exciting cause I wasn't last. When I came in Coach said I did good and that I was running about 11 min miles. 11 minute miles!! that's so horrible! I really love the team and being on the team, but right now I hate running. I hate it after the first.. oh five minutes, and of course I'm slow so I actually have to run longer than everyone else. I'm so thankful for rachel on our team/running with us. She is my running partner and so encouraging. She's at my level right now so we can run together and I probably would have already quit without her. I just hate that I'm probably going to bring the team down, and I do not enjoy running at all. I wish I could bring my ipod along during runs. Cause I get so bored, and restless, and... yeah. Music would probably make me run faster as well.
That's the end of my rant. I really do love redding and the people, and hopefully this whole running till my death will end soon.
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